SHSUEH

When I was little

I remember getting butterflies over small things. Things like opening Pokemon cards or when my favorite show was about to start. The thought of Christmas made me smile, and the chaos of opening presents was all I needed to be happy. I used to collect a lot of random things - pencils, erasers, stamps, beanie babies, legos - and it was enough to make me happy. It was enough to make me smile. Things have changed, but I still collect things. Sadly I don’t get the same feeling that I used to. It’s a different one, and it never seems to fully arrive. “I’m not excited yet, but I will be when the day comes closer,” except the day arrives and my excitement hasn’t. That seems to be the norm nowadays, and I have learned to expect it.

Or maybe my excitement is just sweeter in retrospect- a recreation of what I choose to remember. That’s what memories are, right? We remember what we want to remember, and somehow the negative moments disappear? If only there were a way to marry the two - to be fully present in the midst of a joyous occasion and to close off anything that isn’t. The worries of adulthood. The daunting future. Shame. Guilt. Shut it out, forget it. Remember what matters now when life hits you tomorrow because it doesn’t seem to get any better from here.

I miss that feeling. Legos..Pokemon cards…whatever is popular. Remember when it was cool to follow what was popular? Now it’s the exact opposite because what is popular isn’t cool and to be cool means to reject what’s popular.

Inspiration

http://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action.html 

listen to this talk or read the transcript. definitely worth it. 

”..there are leaders and there are those who lead. Leaders hold a position of power or authority, but those who lead inspire us. Whether they’re individuals or organizations, we follow those who lead, not because we have to, but because we want to.”

“People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it.And if you talk about what you believe, you will attract those who believe what you believe. ”

Technology Lies

One reason I want an iPad is because reading on it will be 10x better. I’m not much of a reader, but when I get an iPad, that will all change. I will change my lifestyle to fit reading into it. I’ll download every new book, and get really smart. That’s just one reason why an iPad is awesome. 

But WAIT, there’s also the Bible. I will also read the Bible more. Wherever my iPad is, there I will be to read my Bible. It will be much more accessible, and I won’t have to worry about lighting anymore. On top of that, I don’t have to worry about turning flimsy pages that COULD tear if I flip too passionately.

Just imagine the possibilities. 

On Speaking Well

“As you grow older and life itself becomes more elaborate and complex, you find yourself using simpler words. And this is not only because your brain cells are dying. It is also, for some of us, because you have grown used to life, even comfortable with it, and understand that it comes down to essentials, that the big things count and the rest is commentary, and that way down deep in the hear tof life’s extraordinary complexity is…extraordinary simplicity.”

-Peggy Noonan

perfection is not the goal

i’ve been seeing this idea play into my life just about every day now. not really every day, but more often than not. it’s like yousef. life is a game of yousef. the object of the game is clear - don’t lose. in fact, you can do exceptionally well in this game by going for 2nd best, 3rd best, or even just 2nd to last. you think that’s sad because the asian in you cries out against it, but it’s a freeing mindset. it’s the same mindset that compels a football team to go for the extra point - the one point. in reality, the one point is tiny in comparison to the teams potential points future touchdowns, giving them 6 points, but the goal is to not lose. the goal is to win. to beat the other team, even if just by one point. the goal is not to get 100 points, the goal is to win. 

yet, in our daily life, we create our own 100 point goal, and we aim for that 100 point goal, when in reality, our only purpose is to win. now, i’m not talking about winning as in perfection. i’m talking about your daily feats. your daily victories and your small accomplishments. those are your wins. sometimes our opponent is 1 point away, and so all we really need is 2 more points to win. but instead we go after the 100 point goal, and possibly never get anywhere to begin with. i guess i’m getting lofty and theoretical and not making sense, but what i mean is that perfection is not the goal!

here’s how it applies to me: my goal is not to be the best photographer. clearly, there are many photographers out there. many great photographers. i’ve also found a great flood of peace in recognizing that i don’t have to be the best in order to succeed. there are the basics, nailing the basics. then there’s finding what you do well, then doing that thing. that’s winning. sometimes it’s 2nd best, 3rd best, or 2nd to last place, but it’s still winning because i didn’t lose. 

so whatever you’re doing, stop trying to be the best. you’re going to burn yourself out trying to achieve something that was never meant for you. in fact, i believe the people who ARE the “best” accomplished that be their own 1 point victories. they were at 99 when they got one more point, and it was just like any other day. we all have “best” in mind, but we need to throw that out of the window if we want to start getting anywhere. [however, i DO think there is a time and place to have that “best” in mind and in sight. but i guess that’s a different ramble.] 

perfect pitch

for the first time, i actually enjoy a book i have to read for class. it’s about pitching in the advertising context, but relates to other areas as well. he pulls examples from the OJ trial, and discusses flaws in OJ’s prosecutors. another premise of the book is about perfection. if perfection is the goal, then you’ve already lost. i realize that i’ve told you pretty much nothing about this book, but all i wanted to really say is that i want to finish it. 

50 reasons not to date a photographer

i’m pretty sure only like 10 of these relate to me, but here’s what deb thinks:

1. They rather hold their bulky camera, than hold hands with you.
2. On a romantic date, you’ll watch the sun go down and think “Wow this is gorgeous” and they’ll go “mirror lock, tripod, and stop down f/8 at 1/125.”
3. You’ll never be able to enjoy tv, movies, or magazines because they’ll point out all the visual flaws.
4. They like to sit in obscure coffee shop and voyeuristically watch people for great lengths of time.
5. If you’re taking a walk outside and you come across some “interesting light” they will make you sit/stand/pose in public so that they can take a photo.
6. You’ll never get to enjoy freshly cooked meals because they’ll spend 15 minutes taking 20 variations of the same dish with their iPhone.
7. They get angry when your friends go up to them and say “I am interested in photography, can you recommend a good camera for me?  Nothing professional I just want to take pretty pictures.”
8. You’ll wait longer for them to finish analyzing art in a museum than you’ll wait at the dmv
9. Same goes with old used bookstores.
10. When you think they’re giving you their undivided attention, they’re really wondering how they could fix you with a little Clone Tool and Patch Tool.
11. Or they are actually using you to not look so creepy as they people watch everything going on around you.
12. They rather drop $1,000+ on new glass than a purse for you. 
13. You can’t take a photo with them without taking at least five more.
14. If you ask them if you look fat, they’ll say “don’t worry I can photoshop you later.”
15. They’ll never photoshop something simple for you if the content is not up to their “standards.”
16. That photo they randomly took of you yesterday?  Good luck getting them to send it to you.
17. They spend all their time on the computer (and not for porn.)
18. They can’t have a normal conversation with throwing acronyms and random numbers.
19. They still use film cameras.
20. They spend a lot of time with people cooler than you i.e. models, actors, musicians, successful rich people.
21. They’ll be fussy over the position of a common household object, like a coffee cup.
22. They won’t return your calls or text messages, but you can bet they’re still posting pics on Instagram.
23. They like watching old films that you’ve never heard or will ever understand.
24. They like looking at weird things in general.
25. Instead of having penis-envy, they have camera-gear-envy.
26. If there’s a natural disaster in a far away land, they’re already on a plane going over there.
27. Everything is watermarked.
28. They think everyone else’s photos suck.
29. They want to color correct a lot of scenes from Twilight and Jersey Shore.
30. They hate rainbows, especially ones spinning in a circle.
31. Whenever you’re in a group talking and the conversation goes deep, they’re taking notes in some form of Moleskin.
32. They use over priced Moleskin notebooks.
33. They like trespassing into old abandoned buildings filled with health hazards.
34. They always want to show a new photo they took, but don’t really care if you like it or not.
35. They hate your n00bie friend’s new artsy profile picture.
36. Bright, sunny days make them sad, but cloudy, overcast days are apparently great!
37. They’ll take you into places that have “culture” as well a high chance of getting mugged.
38. Your birthday present will be a portrait that they’ve taken of you.
39. You can’t go anywhere new without them stopping to take a photo of everything and anything.
40. They will always bug you to be a test subject.
41. Nothing can ever be naturally pretty, everything must be fixed in Photoshop.
42. Bringing their camera means, bringing 50lbs of equipment.
43. If you break any of their things on accident, you’ll owe them thousands of dollars.
44. You can’t get them a birthday/Christmas present without spending at least $500
45. They are natural hoarders, collecting and keeping piles of old newspapers, packaging, magazines, and other things that “inspire” them.
46. They are weird and geeky.
47. They have hard drives of photos, but probably have printed 10 images.
48. They are always secretly judging your creativity.
49. If you’re ever in auto mode, they laugh at you.
50. They orgasm every time they learn a new lighting technique.

credit: http://notastarvingartist.com/post/12766897643

(Source: kevinchung09)

Intimidating

The photography industry is intimidating. The wedding photography industry is even more. I saw that first hand when I went to a bridal show on Saturday just to see what it’s like. There were a lot of really good photographers, and a lot of really crappy ones. The crappy photographers made me feel good, but the good ones made me feel like a little kid in a candy shop. But that wasn’t the first time I felt intimidated, and if you look at the wedding photography industry, I’m one in a million. Look online and you’re bombarded with awesome photographers who are booked year-round…for the next 5 years. Professional or not, it’s not that hard to take a decent looking photo. Then there’s uncle Bob who takes more photos than he needs to, and probably has spent more money on his gear than on his kids. A hobby, an expensive hobby that everyone and anyone can pick up. Then you really start to think, wow, I really am one in a million. 

And that’s also how it was when I went swing dancing at the Chocolate Bar, and there were a lot of really good swing dancers there. Heck, I only took one semester of intermediate ballroom, what do I have to show? Look at all their cool moves! They’re so confident. This place feels weird, and it’s awkward here. That’s how I felt this past Thursday, and it was uncomfortable. The world is intimidating. 

So, I believe there are two ways to deal with intimidation. This is for me, but could be for you too. One reaction is to hole up and hide, then the other is to overcome it. If you spend as much time overcoming your intimidation than actually talking about how intimidated you are, then you’d realize that there was nothing to be intimidated about in the first place. Work on your craft. Get good at it. Face the world! The world is a dance floor, and if you don’t ever dance, you’ll never learn your moves. We’ve all got moves up our sleeves, you just got to let it out. It takes facing fears and taking risks, even if you’re not the best. And if the people around you can’t accept that, then they’re a bunch of losers to begin with. It’s not about being the best, and if that’s all it is to you, then you’ll never attain it. Take risks. Start a project that you’ve always wanted to do. Write a book. Make a movie. Make some clothes. Start cooking, and stop watching the cooking channel. Make a movie instead of just watching movies. “Find what you love to do, then do that thing.” 

What do you look forward to when meeting Jesus?

I just finished reading the book Beautiful Outlaw by John Eldridge. It’s an amazing book, and I recommend it to everyone! 

At the end of the book, John discusses an interview he had where he was asked, “What do you look forward to most on the day you meet Jesus?” His answer was “Spearfishing.” 

What do I look forward to when meeting Jesus? My first thought was, “Wow, imagine taking a picture of Jesus. What would that look like? It’d probably be really bright…extremely overexposed.” 

While I know there are a million reasons why one takes a picture, or why we love photos, but the one main one that comes to mind is to capture a memory. We love taking pictures - we love seeing pictures - because it reminds us or takes us back to a previous time. Whether it was enjoyable or painful, the exclamations of our life are captured in photos. Our memories are most cemented through pictures, and when you think back to your childhood, you most likely have a picture of you. What would it cost you if you were to lose those memories or those photos? Data recovery specialists charge thousands for their services, and photographers can cost a premium. We value photographs because they are the snapshots of our lives - the highlights, the exclamation marks - the good and bad.

In a roundabout way, let me mention the name Day 7 and the meaning behind it. The name “Day 7” is a reference to the story of creation in the Bible. God creates a lot of awesome stuff, like trees, birds, and people…then on the seventh day he rests. I imagine that he worshipped and enjoyed his creation because it was beautiful and nothing could compare to it! God did not need to look at photos of his creation. I imagine he could just look out and see a snapshot of his creation in one piece. God, being omniscient and omnipresent, saw that his creation was good. It happened on day 1, all the way through day 7, and on day 7, I imagine he saw a lot of good stuff. Then Monday rolls back around, and I imagine that it continued, but in a different way. Kind of like if you were to stand on the Grand Canyon, you could see a lot. It wouldn’t do justice to look at a photo of the grand canyon while staring at the real thing. Photos seem to point us to something…something greater than ourselves…and when in the presence of the real thing, our mind goes blank. Or more like speechless. Because words don’t do it justice. 

But this brings me to what I really wanted to write about, and that’s my realization of what it will be like when we’re in heaven. We won’t need pictures in heaven. Just like how pictures on earth are snapshots of the exclamation marks in our past, the very presence of God will be the greatest thing we could see, like a never ending snapshot of the happiest moment in our life that gets better and better every second of eternity. It will be the realization of a memory that we thought was good - but pale in comparison to this. You know that picture in Soularium of the girl running with a balloon? We all want it in our lives, but that’s just a picture of something bigger and more beautiful because we’ve all been given a dream that we can’t seem to ever remember remember. Glimpses here and there, but never the whole picture. The beauty of the Grand Canyon is made small compared to the presence and love of God. It’s a never ending feast to satisfy the starvation of humanity. And when we’re in heaven, we’ll know that we’ve been craving Jesus all along. Our whole lives, we’ve been hungry and we just don’t know what it is. In heaven, the angels sing “holy holy holy” for eternity, and it gets better after each syllable because every second will be a new experience of God’s love and character. It will be “day 7” for eternity, and we won’t have to fret about Monday because we’ll be right where God wants us - worshipping and enjoying him. There are no calendars, clocks, or pictures because we will have exactly what we’ve been searching for right in front of us. We’ll have what we remembered all along. It will be like the moment when you suddenly remember a small piece of your dream, but it won’t be small, it will be so overwhelmingly real. There are no tissues because JESUS will wipe every tear of JOY with his very finger. 

So remember that you are hungry. Whatever you’re feeding on, remember it’s tiny in comparison to the food God is offering for us in heaven. That’s what I look forward to when meeting Jesus…being satisfied - satisfied in every single sense of the human soul.

God Speaks.

I had a vivid dream last night. I don’t feel like going into detail about it, but it was like I was looking at my life in the future. It was scary…convicting…and a relief to wake up. 

I’m kind of at a loss of words right now because I feel like it was an answered prayer - a prayer that I never verbalized, and an answer that I never expected or imagined. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around it, but for now I will rejoice that God spoke. Perhaps, to hear his voice without knowing the details is enough. To know that I have a direct line to God…the creator of the universe…savior of the world…is praise-worthy. Awe-inspiring.

Back-up. Do it!

The other day I bought a new hard drive to back-up my external hard drive. I was having some issues with my back-up, the one with all of my Day 7 photos, and figured I should fix that. Btw, I don’t store photos on my laptop, just on my hard drive. So, a lot of photos all in one place. Definitely need to back it up…

Select drive. The new drive. Format. MS-DOS for Mac and PC use. Erase. Are you sure you want to erase? Yes. Erase. Complete. 

…

Wait. 

…

…

…

Wait. How come my new hard drive is still not formatted? 

OH, because I erased the wrong hard drive. 

——-

Long story short, I downloaded some data recovery software and got it all back. It was a pretty painful experience, and ironic because I work at the laptop help desk where we tell people to back up their data all the time. Even more ironic is that it happened while I was trying to back-up. I wanted to pull all of my hairs out after it happened. It didn’t help that my parents wanted to see a movie after, so we saw We Bought a Zoo, where I was so distracted before the movie. 

Moral of the story - back-up. And then back-up to another place. And then back-up to a 3rd place. 

The Kitchen Window School

One day a man decided to board himself up inside his house.

He sealed off the doors, the windows, even the chimney. He left only one opening - the kitchen window - through which anyone who wished to speak to him was forced to speak. Fortunately, there were people that still wished to speak to him, so they called on the man at his kitchen window. 

Over the years this fellow came to the conclusion that the world was such a place in which people only speak to one another through kitchen windows. He wrote a book in which he argued that human discourse cannot and does not take place in any other way than through kitchen windows. 

The Kitchen Window School was founded shortly after his death. 

-Beautiful Outlaw by John Eldridge