Thoughts on control and surrendering

It’s hard to be honest with myself nowadays. It’s hard to see myself for who I really am, or to see my reality for what it really is. Today I got a glimpse into myself, and I’m glad I did. I hope I continue to keep searching.

Some things I learned are that I need to stop trying so hard. I need to let go by opening my fist and just leave my palms up.

I need to give up my control. I try hard to control my life and make it go how I want. I’m out of control, my life isn’t mine, and I need to see that more…

For example, the more thought and time I put into my photography, the more I feel like I’m in control, and then I start to feel like my future is in my hands.

And to say this is one thing, but to repent is difficult. If confessing is facing your sin and repenting is turning away, then it feels like I have yet to take real steps, or I’m taking baby steps, crawling at the speed of an earthworm.

Raising support has shown me a lot of this and surfaced my sinful tendency to put matters in my own hands rather than God’s. Because no matter how many letters I write or how sincere I am, it’s only by Gods grace that I go anywhere. It’s only by his work that support comes in, and I pray that he reveal that to me daily. We have just a month before our team leaves, and part of me is more anxious than ever. The other part of me is at peace knowing that God is the ultimate provider and giver.

K, gonna stop, hard to type on iPhone!

Gnight all!

This was posted 6 months ago. It has 3 notes.
  1. nbonina said: dude, what’re you raising support for?! exciting!
  2. shsueh posted this